🛁 Self-Care Is Gaslighting (And You Know It)

Why Bubble Baths Won’t Fix What Decades of Sacrifice Broke

For female healthcare professionals over 50 who are bone-deep tired and done being told “you just need more self-care.”

✨ Let’s Name It: Rage.

If you’ve ever wanted to throw your phone across the room because someone told you to “just practice more self-care,” this is your moment of liberation.

You’re not burned out because you’re doing self-care wrong.
You’re burned out because the system was never designed for you to thrive in the first place.

And no — a bubble bath won’t fix what decades of sacrifice broke.

This is for the woman who hasn’t had a “full cup” since 1997.

🧠 The Self-Care Industrial Complex Is Lying to You

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own reality. And that’s exactly what the wellness industry does to brilliant, exhausted women like you.

It whispers:

• “Just take a bubble bath.”

• “Have you tried yoga?”

• “Maybe you need a spa day.”

• “You should really prioritize yourself more.”

But here’s what they’re really saying:

“If you’re still exhausted, it’s your fault.”

No. It’s not.

Here’s what’s actually happening in your body:

• Your nervous system has been in overdrive for decades.
  Cortisol and adrenaline have been your daily companions since residency, grad school, or that first job where you had to prove yourself ten times over.

• You’re in perimenopause or menopause.
  Your estrogen is shifting or tanking. Sleep is unreliable, anxiety is high, memory is foggy, and your capacity to deal with stress is nothing like it used to be. And no one prepared you for that.

• You’re carrying the mental load of entire generations.
  Aging parents. Adult kids. A partner who “helps.” Patients, clients, teams. And somewhere in there, you’re supposed to remember your own mammogram.

• Your workplace was built to extract, not protect.
  Healthcare systems reward overwork and punish boundaries. You can’t self-care your way out of a system that treats you like a revenue unit.

This isn’t weakness.
This is reality.

🧪 The Research They Don’t Tell You

Let’s talk science.

• In 2022, 63% of physicians met burnout criteria.

• Women in healthcare consistently report higher burnout rates than men, even when working the same hours.

• Add menopause, and the numbers skyrocket.

Burnout isn’t a personal failing. It’s chronic nervous system dysregulation — your body living in survival mode for so long it’s forgotten how to feel safe.

Perimenopause adds fuel to the fire:

• Estrogen decline disrupts your HPA axis (your stress response system).

• It impacts your prefrontal cortex — emotional regulation, decision-making, focus.

• It tanks serotonin — mood nosedives.

• It wrecks your sleep — and everything gets harder.

A study in Menopause found that women in perimenopause have a 40% higher risk of depression — without accounting for caregiving or high-stress careers.

You can’t “gratitude journal” your way out of hormone-driven neurobiology.

🎓 Why Smart Women Keep Falling for It

This one hurts a little: we were trained to blame ourselves.

• Trained to push through exhaustion.
  Grad school. Clinical hours. Twelve-hour shifts. We learned fatigue was weakness.

• Trained to solve problems alone.
  “I should be able to figure this out.”

• Trained to measure worth in productivity.
  Charts closed. Hours billed. Papers published. Rest started to feel like failure.

And as women, we were socialized to care for everyone but ourselves.

So when we hit 50 and whisper “Is this it?” — we don’t blame the system.
We blame ourselves.

But what if the problem was never you?
What if you’re not broken — just used up?

🌿 What Actually Works (Spoiler: It’s Not Bath Bombs)

1. Nervous System Regulation

Not “relaxation” — regulation. Teaching your body it’s safe again.

• Vagus nerve activation (humming, cold water, gentle movement)

• Paced breathing that calms your stress response

• Somatic practices that release stored trauma

These aren’t luxuries. They’re essential maintenance.

2. Boundary Mastery

You can’t balance an impossible load — you have to put some of it down.

• Saying no without apology.

• Delegating what you’ve been carrying for decades.

• Restructuring your schedule around energy, not obligation.

3. Meaning Recalibration

You’ve spent a lifetime meeting other people’s definitions of success. It’s your turn.

Ask:

• What do I actually want?

• What brings me joy — not what looks good on LinkedIn?

• What would my next chapter look like if it was built around me?

This is where play lives. Lightness. Life.

🔥 Your Next Chapter Starts Here

You’re not too old to start over.
You’re not too tired to build something new.
And you are definitely not broken.

You are simply done playing by a system’s rules that never served you.

This next chapter is about joy. Real joy. The kind that makes you feel like yourself again.

👉 Ready to begin?
Book a free 20-minute Soul Joy Method call. No pressure. No pitch. Just real talk.

And don’t miss our weekly “Actually, You’re Just Fine” reality checks every Friday.

“Your brilliance isn’t the problem.
Your age isn’t the problem.
The system that told you to keep giving until you had nothing left — that’s the problem.”

You deserve a solution as sophisticated as your expertise.
And joy that doesn’t require permission.

💬 Quote to Share:

“You can’t self-care your way out of a system designed to use you up.”

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#SoulJoyPodcast #WomenOver50 #HealthcareBurnout #MenopauseAndBurnout #NextChapter #BurnoutRecovery #SoulJoyMethod