The Fawn Response: Why Being "Nice" Is Actually A Survival Instinct (And How to Stop)

We all know about Fight or Flight. We know about Freeze. But for women over 50—and especially for healers—the most common stress response is the secret killer: Fawn.

What is Fawning? Fawning is the act of appeasing a threat to avoid conflict. In the wild, it looks like a dog rolling over to show its belly. In the hospital, it looks like a nurse apologizing to a doctor who is berating her. It looks like agreeing to host Christmas dinner when you are exhausted, just to avoid your sister's passive-aggressive comments.

The High Cost of "Merging" When you Fawn, you literally leave your body. You project your energy into the other person to anticipate their needs, their mood, and their comfort. You abandon yourself to save the relationship. This creates a war inside you. Your body screams "Unsafe!" but your mouth says, "Of course, I can help." This conflict destroys your nervous system.

Trauma-Informed Boundaries Setting a boundary isn't just a mental decision; it's a physical one. When a chronic "Fawner" sets a boundary, their heart races. They feel panic. They feel like they are going to die. This is normal. It is your nervous system reacting to a perceived threat.

The Solution: The Sacred Pause The antidote to Fawning is slowing down. The Fawn response is instant. Wisdom takes time. In today's episode of the Compassion Fatigue Cure Podcast, I teach "The Sacred Pause." You stop saying "Yes." You start saying: "Let me check my capacity and get back to you." You interrupt the reflex. You find your ground.

[Click “Podcast” above to Listen to the Full Episode.]

Stop Setting Yourself on Fire It is time to stop burning yourself to keep others warm.

Is Fawning your primary response? Take the diagnostic quiz to see if you are a "People Pleaser" or just traumatized.

[LINK: Take the 60-Second Burnout Quiz]

We rise together. Dr. Julie - Host of Compassion Fatigue Cure Podcast